Turning 50 a few days ago was not such a dreaded event. From the time I turned 40 I realized life was in the process of redefining itself. Since there seems to have been so many different phases of life, I just saw this as another phase, another part of the process.
There were always things I wanted to do when "younger" but either didn't have the funds or couldn't find the time. You know, those little things you think about wanting to at least try or experience. I won't bore you with my whole list but will include more directional ideas ~ take a painting class, learn to draw, learn French, maybe develop my own online business or go back to school to get a Masters in Psychology and go back to working with abused children. Around the age of 40, I began taking Art classes and discovered much about myself in the process. Maybe I wasn't so bad at creating. Maybe I could do something with it as a potential business (thanks Etsy).
As 47 came around I realized some of the most important people in my life were my very close girlfriends. I realized how deeply I cared and appreciated their friendships and how important their support was. In the last few years I also began to care more about what I thought about life and less worried about pleasing everyone around me. Not that I've become a narcissist but I think clearly, I am making choices about how I want to live the rest of my life and really not worrying about the rest. This includes all aspects of my life. I feel myself going through a process of reevaluation. Thinking in terms of not only what direction I want to go with a career, but also how do I truly philosophically perceive life, what do I on a deep personal level embrace. I am realizing the need to discover what did I want to create as my own, me, Denise this person, an existing entity in this vast universe, and what do I want to give back to the world. Maybe it's because I have watched my children grow and realize my mortality, or that when I look within, I realize maybe, just maybe I have become more seasoned by life's experiences, both good and bad.
Of course the next 50 will absolutely involve the love of my life (my dear husband) and my two great sons. I am really trying not to take myself so seriously and want to make it a point to laugh more, even at myself. There is so much more to do in life, God willing I hope to be able to do those things, hopefully making each day count and even along the way having just a little more fun!
